Thursday, January 27, 2011

Black Swan, From a bro's Perspective

From IMDB:
A ballet dancer wins the lead in "Swan Lake" and is perfect for the role of the delicate White Swan - Princess Odette - but slowly loses her mind as she becomes more and more like Odile the Black Swan, daughter of an evil magician.

Huh?? what?? Yeah I don't get the overview either.

But anything that has A) an evil magician and B) that evil magician has a nigger daughter that is a Swan, I’m watching!

The first scene shows Natalie Portman dancing ballet...zzzz.... FASTFORWARD! As bros we have the advantage of skipping MUST SKIP all the ballet dancing scenes. I quickly realized that there will be no magicians in this film<single tear>.

But seriously the dancing is Legit. Natalie took real ballet lessons to prepare for this role so basically she’s guaranteed the oscar coz the academy loves dedication. Now all she has to do is win a grammy for THIS

Nina is a professional ballerina but at first you’ll be confused and think she’s a schoolgirl because her mom still treats her like a kid and Natalie Portman has a 12 year old’s set of breasts.

At first Nina wasn’t given the part but when she sort of begged for it from Thomas (the production head/casting dude). He expected a sexual favor. She resisted and was given the role wtf She didn’t fuck the guy but he gave it to her anyway. So he was probably homosexual sincehe wanted the opposite of having sex-  having No sex.


The Dilemma in the movie is Nina is too innocent to play the Black Swan. To play the Black Swan you have to get your freak on. So she’s told to finger herself and Thomas feels her up during practices. Which leads me to believe that all great ballerinas need to be horny sluts.

She started to finger herself face down. I didn't know that girls could do it other than lying down. That was awesome and mind blowing
Also she did this really sick 360 turn with only one foot. Made me go "Woah" almost half as amazing as Neo dodging bullets with his back bending which is still amazing.
Ouch


Here’s More Natalie Portman. Your right hands can thank me later bros



Winona Ryder is still alive! She plays Beth who was the former Swan Queen. She’s pissed that she’s replaced and goes all out Girl Interrupted again. She was an overused old toy that was no longer needed. She was great in the role because having had a million ex boyfriends that include Ironman and Jack Sparrow she knows a thing or too about being overused.



Mila Kunis seemed like she was from another movie in this film! The whole vibe in the movie was dark and depressing. She was so bubbly, sexy, fun and was the only normal person in the movie. 

Nina just makes me nervous everytime she's alone with sharp objects.

(Spoiler alert)

Natalie and Mila lezzing it up was the best part of the movie. Duh. It was spontaneous, wild,crazy and energizing coz this movie was all tense and shit. The most holy-cow-moment in a movie full of holy-shiz-moments.



Last Word: It’s like The Wrestler but for Ballet. The second half of the movie turns into a korean/japanese horror movie.

Pros: worthwhile sexytime scenes,will inspire chicks to take up ballet lessons thus making them more flexible
Cons: its about ballet

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Over Before it Even Started

I'm really late in getting into the blogosphere. 

Got the idea of the blog name from FreeDarko. (Don't forget to buy their new book!)


It took awhile but Darko is in the midst of his best season ever, got the new contract (making David Kahn not as stupid as he really) and actually looks like he's living up to some of the potential.

Maybe by naming this blog after the seemingly lost cause (Greg Oden's full or at least partial recovery) might bring him a little luck. 

The Kid is alright. It's Greg that we should be worried about.